Guth & Tuairim, Samhain/Nollaig 1983

BOMB SCARE Le Socrates 12 C'· "' c l1l All the recent controversy about Cruise missiles being brought into Britain and everybodys worry about being totally annihilated by a nuclear war brought to my ~ Q) C'· >, .µ ..c: .µ <'• "" ..., ..... Q) H 0 ~ LUXURY LIVING BEGINS AT HOME till"' ::!!%. 0 ..... l1l () .µ memory a story I heard about a brave/dumb farmer who, when he found a bomb in one of his fields decided to brighten the day by detonating it. First he (the brave/dumb)farmer unsure of what to do, began to smash his spade against it. When this proved to be futile he c ..... ]~ >, Q) H E Q) ..... 0 > .µ "' Q) - Q) .,,~,rzl~ >, ..... ..... C'· 0 l1l H ..... (..} Q) placed it on a stone and then started to drop another stone down on top of the bomb. When it still didn't blow up, the farmer was getting rather annoyed so he then laid it between the two rocks and lit a fire beneath it. Still the bomb doggedly refused to detonate. Thoroughly disgruntled the farmer picked up the now blackened, smokey bomb and tossed it i.nto the back of his pick-up truck. ~..c: r-i . .µ .a ....... Q)+>o!3 ~ 5...., a • 0 "'~-Ul ~ ctS .n • ~: r:;I ~ 0 ..... , i:ri~ till E c 0 C'• «: H .µ '+-t c 0 Q) .p "' "' ;::s Q) Ql.,.O H E 0. 0 Q) o ..C: H .µ Q) "' ..c: Q) .µ 3 PIECE SUITES COFFEE 1' DOUBLE AND SINGLE v.c.u;:., WARDROBES CHINA CABINETS BOOKCASES ELECTRIC FIRES PHONE TABLES TV TABLES SOLID BU~~--~EDS ..... ..c: () Cl ..... ;::s Q) ~ E-< ~ Q) H o .'<: He drove seven miles along a bumpy road before reaching a Garda station where he handed in to the Gardai. The Gardai then called in the bomb disposal experts, who tooh the bomb carefully to a hills ide and detonated it. The bomb left a hole large enough to fit the Garda station into. I'd like to see Mrs. Thacher try that with a (/J"' till·.-< c l1l ..... "' H .D ai .µ l1l l1l ..c: c i::~ i::'" <4 'O 'O •M •M QQ ·r-1 .0 ·r-1 l1l l1l r-< '+-t "'l1l Ql till H ..c: l1l \0 .µ c z "' 0"' iS :i iS FURNITURE SHOWROOM Cruise missile - from a distance of course - a long distance. (What I'd really like to see - Maggie do with ~\:::> Strand Road, Falcarragh The Problem Page - by Calm & Collected ,..... )5161. a Cruise Missile is to sti ••• But I can't get that in print). You did! Ed. (Me dead too after this)• I Dear Calm and Collected, Never see one • • • '-., Recently I have been breaking out in spots whenever I go out with ll\Y boyfriend and I'm really depressed. Should I break it off with him? I would rather not do that since I love him very much, Margaret loves Karate. Wonder why? F,C, Worried, Dear Worried, ~ This is not a usual problem and you have me worried. ~ Please send me your full name an.i ad:irees, as this l:"~ condition may be contagious and i for one do not ~ ~ intend to catch it. <1>~ tl Yours sincerely, .~ ., Panicked. 3 -. bear Calm and Collected; - - ·-- ~ rz. I have a most embarrassing condition with regard to ~..§ my girlfrjend, I feel like a creep, because I think ~.!; she is too good for me. She is tall, blonde, blue– e:; Q) eyed and BIBTY. Her vital statistics are 38-26-36, ~~ I am four feet 3mm. and hunch-backed, I also have a ~.3 glass eye and loose dentures. I am deaf in one ear ~g and the other one fell off ar,d I have B,C, My ..: ~ biggest problem is that she won 1 t let me take her '0-M out in public. la~ Yours sincerely, • ..., Depressed. :5 f1l Dear Depressed :l ~ I must admit that you have got a problem, I suggest <1> ~ that you serbusly consider suicide, (Poison is best) ;';;! However, before you do so, please post to me a photo >.i:: and full name and address (of her not of you creepot) WhAt were Johnny and Margaret B. doing behind the on Friday night? reilig ;i~ What more can I say except au-revoir, adios, Auf Wiedersehen and vamoose pronto. (And that means now!), _;:hy does Fionnual~ G. go to Sea-View every Fri.? Yours sincerely, Brfd and Neil Anthony Mulligan from Machaire Chlochair are twins. Ta siad ocht mbliana deag d'aois agus nfonn siad freastal ar Phobalscoil Ghaoth Dobhair. They're t rying to keep a s traight face while Margaret Barr is t r ying to make them laugh, ARNOLD ._c_a_lm_an_,d_C_o_ll_e_ct_e_d.___ LEAR EDDING STATIONER WEDDING BOUQUETS Part Two It takes an old fool on a bar-roan'! stool this ode to sadly write, Cf adventures that passed him by and lonely sleepless nights, Of how t he liquer made him sway and kept him by its side. ~ \ Not for him a flourishing family tree or a radiant blushing bride. Tel. BURTONPORT 47 .\'?."!.~~· '!'! ~~~~~ .... jt.. ~~ ..... Battle scars from Public Bars, bags below his eyes, mute testimony to Arnold's unequal fight. As closing hourdraws very near, it becomes very clear; For Arnold no one gives a damn, no one holds him dear. "Hold ont 11 , he says, 11 ! might surprise you yet, - I might get married, settle down and have no cause for regret". On Arnold dying alone it's a safe sure bett And t he saddest part of Arnold's History has not unfolded yet, Le Packie X (for a friend). Why was Jacki e D. 's neck full of lipst ick? Or so she says it was lipstickt Did Martin D. and Angela H. enjoy playing Carnegie on Tuesday?